I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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