Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
