Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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