Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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