planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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