I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
