I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
