If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm bleeding and have questions
Pooping to opera.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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