i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We got so high we made milksteak
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
