dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you win again, gameday.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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