I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
