When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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