3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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