Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good