your parents love me but you hate me
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?