I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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