woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Randomize
