i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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