She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize