I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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