so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
