I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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