rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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