Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
