I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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