If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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