theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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