Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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