she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
