Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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