I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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