that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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