her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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