he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
