we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
