I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
