Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
