i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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