A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
