Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
