I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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