he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
