Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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