I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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