Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
