I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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