what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
