My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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