Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize