New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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