He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Shame - the story of my life.
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