just come out here and I will go home with you...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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