I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
