does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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