God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
