I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
not ubering you a puppy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
