I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
