I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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