How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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